When I learned this week of the prospect of a "found poem" I was elated because I could think of so many news articles that would make a great found poem. Today I read one of the more surprising and powerful articles of late from Kirsten Powers in Christianity Today. As an avid news/politics junky I know her politics very well and enjoy her writings. To see a headline on Facebook about her converting to Christianity surprised me and reading her article showed that she was far more surprised than I. As someone who struggles with issues of faith myself I thought I'd take a page out of Toni's alternative reading journal and create a poem to help myself understand what may be going on inside of the author. The original article's link is below:
The question I pose to hopefully tie this blog post back to our
class is concerning a topic that we have not talked a significant amount about.
How do you think an internal, individual revolution takes place? Does
it require outside influence? Is it a necessary prerequisite to external
societal/scientific revolutions?
Reluctant Jesus Follower
Just seven years ago
if someone had told me
I came to believe in God
I would have laughed out loud.
especially to evangelical Christianity,
which I held
in particular contempt.
I grew up
my belief
superficial
flimsy
borrowed from my father.
I grew older
he confided doubts.
What little
Faith
couldn't withstand.
Life
actually seemed pretty
wonderful,
filled with opportunity
privilege.
I didn't feel
I was missing much.
So when I began
dating
a man
into Jesus,
I was not looking
for God.
my boyfriend called
"Do you believe
Jesus
is your Savior?"
My stomach sank.
I started to panic.
my first thought.
He's crazy.
When I answered
no,
Then he said the magic
words for a liberal:
"Do you think
you could keep
an open mind about it?"
of course.
Even though I
wasn't at all.
I was creeped
out.
On the other hand,
I had enormous respect
for him. He is smart,
educated,
intellectually curious.
I went to church
with him.
in an auditorium
with a band
playing
"praise music."
then the pastor preached.
I was fascinated.
I had never heard
talk about the things he did.
intellectually rigorous,
art and history and philosophy.
I decided to come back.
I thought
just an interesting lecture—
not really church.
I just tolerated
the rest
he usually brings Jesus
in at the end
to tie points together.
Why did he have to ruin
perfectly good
talk
with Jesus
nonsense?
He expertly exposed
intellectual weaknesses of
a purely
secular
worldview.
I began to read
the Bible.
My boyfriend would pray
with me
for God to reveal himself
to me.
After months of going
I concluded that the
evidence was on the side
of Christianity.
But I didn't feel
connected
to God,
I was fine with that.
Then one night
I awoke
a strange cross
a dream and reality.
Jesus
came to me and said,
"Here I am."
It felt so
real.
I called my boyfriend,
he felt we
were supposed to break up.
we did.
I was more traumatized
by Jesus
visiting
me.
I was lost.
I suddenly felt God
everywhere
terrifying.
unwelcome.
like an invasion.
I started to fear
crazy.
I didn't know what to do,
"You need to be in a Bible study,"
I didn't like the sound
but I was
desperate.
My whole world
imploding.
How was I going to tell my family
or friends
what had happened?
Nobody would understand.
I didn't understand.
I remember walking into Bible study.
knot in my stomach
only weirdoes, zealots
I don't remember what was said
All I know is
when I left,
everything had changed.
I'll never forget standing
outside that apartment
saying
"It's true.
It's completely
true."
The world looked different,
like a veil
had been lifted
I had not
an iota of doubt.
I was filled with indescribable joy.
The horror
the prospect of being
a devout Christian crept
back in, immediately.
I spent the next months
doing my best to
wrestle away from God.
It was pointless.
Everywhere he was.
Slowly
less fear
more joy.
The Hound of Heaven
pursued me
caught me—
whether I liked it or not.
I think you did a great job with this Kit.
ReplyDeleteAs to the question of how internal revolutions take place, I feel that they require an outside influence in a manner similar to how we require air, or how a back requires a front. That is, I don't think they can be separated. I think our internal is at all times interfacing with its environment, and is itself part of the environment, necessitating that external revolutions are a reaction to the collection of internal experiences, which, themselves are also a reaction to that same collection.
Or, perhaps more directly, I think personal revolutions are a culmination of timing, clarity of mind, and circumstance. Moments of clarity, for lack of a better term, happen occasionally for a variety of reasons or sometimes for no reason at all. If it coincides with a culmination of changes, like in the case of this article where the woman resumes going to church, or a poignant experience, perhaps even as benign as noticing and becoming aware of a habit you decide to change, then internal revolution becomes possible, even likely, or perhaps inevitable. I do think timing is an important element. Had you not experienced some life altering event or thought during the time in your life that you did, the outcome could be quite different.
I am so glad you discovered (and rose to the challenge) of a found poem! My favorite lines show the greater consequence of an individuals' ah-ha moment, and what that epiphany (regardless of what it is or where it comes from) does to the daily rigors:
ReplyDelete"Here I am." / It felt so / real. / I called my boyfriend, / he felt we / were supposed to break up. / we did. / I was more traumatized / by Jesus /visiting/ me." Your arranging and splicing of lines deemphasize the break-up like a chipped fingernail. Really well done.
Remind me to introduce you to "Cut ups and Cross outs" next. As a news junkie you'll love that postmodern poetry exercise!